So thanks to GUTGAA, I got some great feedback on my query letter. I've spent the last couple of days reworking it to address the comments I received hopefully in time for the agent pitch polish content!
Dear Super Awesome person,
Mercy and Justice Givens, twin sisters and co-owners of the Givens Detective Agency, do not take murder cases. But the private detective business is having a dry spell, taxes are due in three days, and their bank balance is lower than a rattlesnake’s belly. Desperate times call for bad decisions, and the twins agree to take on an impossible case, trying to prove drug-addled debutante Genevieve Simmons didn’t stab her abusive boyfriend.
Trapped by their own insolvency, but determined to wriggle out from under the contract and return the retainer, the twins grab at a “quick” embezzling case, hoping to find out who’s robbing Peter so they can pay off Paul.
Their hopes of a fast fee are crushed when someone parks a forklift on an accounting clerk’s head and dumps the body in the back of their truck, implicating them in murder. Caught in what seem like two separate murder cases, the twins are working double-time to keep out of the body count.
The real problem is that Mercy and Justice don’t know that the embezzler isn’t the one who wants them dead. Genevieve’s been framed, and the framer's hell-bent on making sure Justice and Mercy stay out of the picture. Mercy’s genius plus Justice’s thirty-eight may not be enough to survive a Machiavellian murderer pairing up with a panicky killer.
REMINGTONS KILL PEOPLE was selected as a finalist in Janet Reid’s Liz Norris Pay it Forward competition for debut novels, and is approximately 77,000 words in length. It is set in San Antonio, Texas and has the potential to be the first in a series featuring Mercy and Justice Givens. I am a native West Texan who likes to recreate medieval book art in pre-1600 styles, when I’m not engaging in armored combat or changing diapers.
Thank you for your time and consideration.Kind regards,
My only concern is that it's a bit long. Query letters according to Janet Reid should be 250 words, and mine tops out at 319.
But what do you all think? Improved from Version 1? Worse?