Thursday, April 26, 2012

Query letters are hard.

Today I've been chewing on my query letter. Much like my daughter (shown below in her bald stage. She has hair now.), I'm reduced to a drooling mess.  

I'm posting it here, and I welcome any comments, because I'm at the point where I can't see what's wrong with it.  Please feel free to shred. 

Fine, I'll chew my way out!

Dear Super Awesome person,

In REMINGTONS KILL PEOPLE, Mercy and Justice Givens, twin sisters and co-owners of the Givens Detective Agency, are having a bad week. Taxes are due in three days, and their bank balance is lower than a rattlesnake’s belly. Their only case, proving ditzy debutante Genevieve Simmons didn’t stab her boyfriend, seems hopeless. Just before they’re forced to borrow money from their Aunt Irene to pay Uncle Sam (again), another case to find an amateur embezzler provides a stay of execution.

Their hopes of a quick fee are crushed when someone parks a forklift on an accounting clerk’s head and dumps the body in the back of their truck, implicating them in murder. The twins ignore the warning, and the next body is hung in the handicap stall, right where Mercy, a paraplegic, is sure to find it. Now they’ve got to find the murderer before Justice is the third casualty of the frantic murder spree.

Worse, they don’t know that the killer isn’t the one who really wants them dead. Genevieve’s been framed, and the framer's hell-bent on making sure Justice and Mercy stay out of the picture. The twins aren’t used to being double-teamed, and Mercy’s genius plus Justice’s thirty-eight may not be enough to survive a Machiavellian murderer pairing up with a panicky killer.  

REMINGTONS KILL PEOPLE was recently selected as a finalist in Janet Reid’s Liz Norris Pay it Forward competition for debut novels, and is approximately 77,000 words in length. It is set in San Antonio, Texas and has the potential to be the first in a series featuring Mercy and Justice Givens. I am a native West Texan who likes to torment her Canadian husband with Tex-Mex cooking, lament my neglected concert pianist career, and recreate medieval illuminated book-pages in pre-1600 styles, when I’m not engaging in armored combat or changing diapers. 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Kind regards
Britni Patterson


  1. I love the voice! :) It's engaging and fun. I can't wait to read all about Justice and Mercy.

    I don't see anything wrong with it, but that's just the opinion of another writer sick of revising my own query. I wish mine came off with this much voice! Good job!

  2. Thanks :> I think I'm going to make t-shirts reading "Query Letters are Hard." I went looking for yours, but I couldn't figure out where blogger tab thing since they updated the new format. If you'll point me to it (or even paste it in a comment) I'll return the favor to read it. :>