It is really difficult for me to stay motivated on a long term goal. I opened my novel this afternoon during a blessed few hours while the baby slept, and I could not write a single word. I managed eventually to throw in a few notes about what I wanted to accomplish with the scene, but my brain was completely blank.
My biggest problem is that I have yet to manage to establish a routine, something that has always in the past been my route to productivity. The baby is particularly unhelpful in allowing me to carry out my plan for the day, which is driving me up the wall. I may plan to spend the day writing, going to the store for vital groceries, hit the gym for some weight time, rake the yard, and finish spackling the cracks in the wall, but if the baby is clingy or having a temperamental day where she is not willing to let Mommy out of her sight, that entire plan gets shafted. I might manage to get the groceries, but the rest is just not happening. By the time SuperHusb gets home, after a 12 hour day saving lives and burning adrenaline, we're both exhausted, and just want to either vegetate or spend time together. And thus my day is shot, and I get mad at myself for failing at the "butt in chair time."
My other problem is that I can't decide on an approach to my writing. Do I finish the fantasy story I'm tempted to test the self-pub waters with, or do I finish polishing and re-polishing and oh-god-I'm-still-polishing the first novel? Have I polished it into oblivion? I've never gotten it to the point where I was happy with it as a novel, and I feel deep in my gut that I should at least try to get it there, before I allow myself to move on to the next one.
I suppose all writers feel this way. The bitter slog of writing, the frustration when the words won't come in those fifteen free minutes you have between feeding and the diaper, the anger when they finally show up just in time for the kid to have a blowout requiring a bath and complete change of clothing, and they flitter off, unwilling to wait. I've just got to figure out how to adapt. Right now, I'm thinking my prime writing time is going to be after 9 p.m., when the baby's gone to bed, and the husband and I have had two hours to spend time together, and I'm going to save the days for all the house chores / baby stuff, and not spend all day stewing in hopeful frustration. I'm just going to make myself crazier that way.
I will be published some day, I will be published some day.. I think I can, I think I can..